Just not a priority

by Jessica Martin-Weber

I am certain the world of blog has written me off. I suspected that even before I disappeared for months but not blogging for nearly 2 months was probably the equivalent of cement shoes for my blog. Ah well... I've been busy, but who hasn't. There are lots of reasons why I haven't blogged in a while- and I mean, no blogging at all. I haven't been reading blogs, posting blogs, or even thinking about blogs until people have pointed out that I haven't been blogging. If you're asking what happened (if anybody even checks to see if I've added anything) there are lots of reason but it boils down to this: I had more important things to do. My energy and attention was needed elsewhere and when it came down to what energy was left over I didn't want to go near the computer and come up with something to say. No, blogging was not a priority.

It's strange, as our lives started filling up with this, that, and the other I feel like we started hearing a lot about how what we spend our money and our time on says a lot about what is really important to us. Just yesterday in two separate worship gatherings (at very different churches) we were challenged about what does our check book say about us (mine says that I love electricity and gas) and what does our schedule indicate we really worship. What a crappy challenge and one I needed to hear. I have really found myself wondering about these things. During the past few months our time has been eaten up by many things but in particular has been the question of "what next?" I hate being in limbo, hate it. This position of waiting and having no idea what to do drives me crazy. And so I started making that disastrous mistake that often happens when you're stuck waiting: I began to try to make my own way, seeking for what was next instead of keeping my focus on Christ. The last two months has been spent getting my focus back to where it needs to be. This isn't a New Years resolution- I don't make resolutions, this is the kind of thing when you realize you were pretending you had all the answers but you didn't have a clue and one day you realize that you're not going anywhere really because you never found out where you're headed in the first place. It's the time when you stop and listen.

Two days ago I had coffee with the mother of the boy that abused our children- I'm not going to refer to her that way again because she is my friend. The coffee was great, the time even better. Pain and healing is an interesting thing. Most of the time we seek healing and think it means no more pain but healing is painful, therapy is hard, and restoring a relationship that was deeply wounded isn't going to be easy. I miss my friend and her family and I want her back in my life. It will be hard, I know that but it doesn't mean it's not worth it.

I'll be back again soon!