Walking Lessons
I had planned that my next post would be on worship in the face of pain but I've gone in a different direction for the moment. Maybe next time...
Recently I was involved in a conversation regarding the place of children in a worship gathering which ranged from those that were annoyed with children in a worship setting (not always behaving to adult standards) to those that were annoyed that the others were annoyed with children in the worship setting (who are we to kick kids out of church and who said adults actually behave in worship anyway?) and then that led to a brief and vague discussion of “what is a worship setting?” which I quickly abandoned (Romans 12:1-3). Following that conversation came one concerning the place of youth in worship and then eventually the place of youth in the church which then led to the question: is the place of children and youth in the worship gathering tied to the churches view of the place of these two groups in our churches? To which I found myself asking: what does Scripture have to say about this? (Check out Matt. 18:1-7; Matt. 19:12-15; Matt 21:15-17; Eph. 6:1-4; Titus 2:3-5; 1 John 3:18; 2 John 1:4- I want someone to write this to me some day; these are just a few, there are many, many more in both the old and new testaments.)
When it comes to the issue of rearing our children as followers of Christ, I believe we are all too often asking the wrong questions first and never do get around to the right questions. Nobody would really argue that the parents (Christian ones anyway) are ultimately responsible for the faith education of their children but I would have to argue that we rarely hold them accountable to that beyond the occasional “parenting sermon series” and the annual pat on the back at Sunday School promotion (great job parents- you sent your kids to Sunday School!) or summer camp presentation. So the questions we ask end up being along the lines of age appropriate material, fun factor, cool factor, program comparison, and over-all marketable concepts that, sadly, end up taking all the responsibility off the parents shoulders- or so it can seem. I have heard it argued that we can’t trust the parents to teach their children correct doctrine and I wonder if the church would have to be so worried about this if they were truly teaching the Scriptures to the adults.
So why do we feel we need to separate our youth and our children (a distinction that is unique to just the past 80 years) from the adults during times of congregational worship and Bible Study? I’m right up there with the parents that appreciate the opportunity to listen to a sermon that is on an adult level without the distraction of my children or to make it through a worship gathering without a rushed trip to the potty with our two year old, but if I’m honest the bigger distraction is trying to keep my children from being a distraction to others- I guess I’m used to tuning out my children. But I regularly find myself questioning the practice of complete generational segregation. In many churches we find “children’s church,” “children’s Sunday School,” “children’s choir, “children’s midweek activity,” “youth group,” “youth Bible Study,” “youth choir,” “youth worship” and a host of other generation segregating activities and then we’re shocked when the generations coming of age feel like they don’t belong or there’s no place for them. By the time a child brought up in the church reaches adulthood they have been fed the idea that there is something specifically for them that will meet all of their needs, wants, and desires for a place to connect with God. Upon graduating from high school they discover that they are now supposed to like the same style of worship, Bible study and everything else that appeals to their parents taste. While I’m sure that many churches make sure their children are taught sound doctrine there are often holes in the child’s understanding of this doctrine, a lack of personal responsibility for their spiritual growth, a disconnect from their family, and a very selfish approach to understanding their role within the congregation and community. Today’s youth have a more pressing urge to see social reform but have no idea how this fits with the Gospel, themselves, or the church and they view the church as being there for them, to meet their needs. The older generations and church leaders are concerned that the younger generations are leaving the church and while I see that there are many factors contributing to this plight I believe the church must ask itself how they abandoned teaching the parents to teach their children in the first place and how to reverse this.
I do believe there is a place for generation specific ministries, particularly in the lives of children without Christian parents but I fear the church has taken it too far. How do the younger learn from the older when we remove them to be with a few adults that have the “gift” of children’s/youth ministry? How are our children encouraged to honor and obey their parents in a setting that removes the parents most of the time? How are fathers and mothers held accountable to love their children and to personally take responsibility for teaching their children?
Most of the very important life lessons a child learns aren’t learned from a textbook or a curriculum, they are taught by observing and participating. Walking isn’t taught by a manual but by a child seeing everyone else walk around them and then by being encouraged in a loving environment to try to do the same even sometimes being allowed to fall. So it is in learning to walk in faith. We want our children to follow Christ? Then parents and leaders need to follow Christ. Want our children to live lives of worship? Then we need to live lives of worship. Will our children grow to love God’s Word and hide it in their hearts? They will if they see us do the same. Do we want our children to grow into adults that love and serve God’s people and minister to the less fortunate? Well then get off your rear ends and take your children with you to serve His people and minister to the less fortunate. This is the faith education that parents and the church is called to! It's living, it's real and it's hard.
It would be wonderful to see the church value children beyond the instant numbers boost they can be by truly inviting them into worship, Bible studies, ministry and service opportunities (for the record, having the youth serve the Easter breakfast as a fund raiser doesn’t really count) and by coming along side parents in teaching the children and being more than a babysitting service getting children and youth out of the way of “real church.” If we want them to learn it then we need live it and allow them to participate with us. I know I’m not offering any real solutions to this problem but I hope it’s a place to begin the conversation and we would challenge all Christian adults to live lives of worship so that even the youngest of God’s children see Him reflected in us.
posted by Jessica | 12:11 PM
11 Comments:
Ah, the Youth Easter Breakfast. There is a special place in hell reserved for whoever came up with that idea.. ;)
All I can say to this is "amen". I have more to say, but have to think first...
GREAT stuff here, Jessica!
Thanks Bill. I’d really like to hear your thoughts on this, you have a perspective that I’d love to hear from both as a lead pastor in a congregation and as a former youth pastor. I am a home school nerd so I have to admit to being a little out of touch with this personally though I am quickly being educated with my own children. My parents actually (went a little far in my childhood opinion) took our faith education very seriously and from about as early as I can remember we got up early as a family every morning and studied Scripture for an hour together- they were called wisdom searches and by the time I was in 6th grade I was very familiar with the family Strong’s Concordance, the Greek Lexicon and a host of other Scripture study materials as well as actually studying Greek in my regular school studies. We memorized chapters and books of Scripture (I wasn’t much of a fan of this back then, but I do remember most of it even today) reciting them together during our day and biographies of great men and women of the Christian faith were a regular part of our reading list. It wasn’t unusual for my mom to hand out Scripture memory verses that had to deal with the character flaw or hurt we struggled with during any given day and those verses ring out in my heart when ever I find myself struggling in those areas today.
For most parents what I just described sounds overwhelming and, though I’m a bit ashamed to admit it, I can see why parents feel like they’re doing their part by sending their kids to children’s church, Sunday School, and youth group. Faced with their own inadequacies in “training up a child in the way they should go” because they’re not even sure they know the way they should go it may seem like the only option. In many ways, I hold church leadership accountable for this. Why have we created such a society that doesn’t take personal responsibility for their faith development and don’t risk investing in others? And why is it that the ones our children should naturally turn to when they have questions about their faith aren’t prepared or held accountable for training their children? How sad is it that most children and youth don’t even know anyone aside from their friend’s parents that is not within their own generation or age group? That same can be said of all the other generations. This is not the design God put in place but rather a perverted self serving system that divides, not unites, God’s people both young and old.
you just left the longest comment ever - on your own blog. lol
i will try to post tonight or definitely tomorrow with some thoughts.
lol! but you checked it again!
I think you may have answered your onw thoughts in your 2nd to last paragraphe.
It may be that what you are ultimately looking to reform is on a much larger scale; the church and its secularization.
It appears as though the church and its adherents have followed secular thinking more and more (for a host of reasons) and let its agenda dicatate: liberal/diluted theology, sensory and emotion driven worship, self-help church programs, neutral faceless community bible studies, and all the hedonistic pursuits that govern our current society.
I do hear more and more people asking the right questions and beginning to ask for reform and I've oft wondered just how "we" can move from realizing there are crucial concerns to actually making large sweeping changes...
Maybe, just maybe, playing the numbers game was counter-productive and we need smaller churches.
All of the above is way above my head ... so I'm going to bring this down to my level ... just a regular parent. I definitely believe there is a time and place for children in worship - and an age when they can begin to be taught how to participate. I've never had a problem with children being in the worship service as long as the parents do teach them how to be in a worship service. In my life, I kept my kids with me until about 6 months and then they went to the nursery for a few years. I felt like age 3 to 4 was about the best time to start the process of teaching them to worship. Up until that time, all I was doing was fighting to keep them quiet enough that they weren't driving everyone around us crazy.
I don't see many churches keeping pre-teens and teenagers in a separate worship setting - it's usually just the young children. I've always kind of liked the way St. Mark did Caraway Street - not every Sunday, so the parents do have the opposite Sunday to work on teaching their children how to be in "Big Church" (hate that term!), but they also get to worship in a style and age-appropriate way once in a while, too. AND, the parents get time to worship without being concerned about their children once in a while, too. I know I really looked forward to those times.
Now, you mentioned Bible studies. If a Bible study is designed to be a family inclusive class, great! If it's designed for adults, then I don't think children will get much from it and they will probably keep the adults from getting much from it.
I love your idea of including children in service projects! That is definitely a great way to show children how to live like Christ lived.
One thing parents who want to bring children to worship or have to bring them to a Bible study or a church meeting can do is come prepared. Bring something quiet for them to play with (books, crayons and paper, etc.), bring snacks and drinks if they are going to be hungry or thirsty - and then the parents need to be responsible for their children during that time ... and be willing to take them out if they just can't be quiet. That is part of parenting - being prepared and sometimes having to sacrifice what we want to take care of our children!
And yes, Jessica, when we have young children, we do get where we can "tune them out". We just need to remember that not everyone else tunes them out as easily - I've lost that ability, I know - but I may be gaining it back again by being around my grandkids so much!
children's palce in worship should be just as involved as the adults. if kids do not feel like they are part of the worship gathering they will not want to come as they get older and may eventually disband from the church all together. true, kids maybe noisy and fussy sometimes, but that is the beauty in childhood. its their way of reminding us 'hey, we are here too'. i believe that kids need to have a place in worship at the youngest age possible or they may shy away from the church forever.
bravo ryan!
Putting a different spin on this and playing the devil's advocate, what if you are in another family type setting, let's say you go to the movies or better yet go to the symphony. To quote Ryan: "true, kids maybe noisy and fussy sometimes, but that is the beauty in childhood." Would this same statement apply? I believe not. There is a certain behavior expected and not put up with in these settings. No not having kids, I am not aware of all of the discipline that goes on in a family's day to day life, but having been raised by two godly and christian parents, I must say that I turned out pretty well. Now some may say that is because of my sunny disposition, but I also believe that I was taught proper behavior in different settings. This was not only taught by my parents, but by my Scout leaders and other adults that took an interest in me and my life. There is a time for rowdiness and a time to be respectful and quiet and this attitude can be taught and modeled.
i agree with you to an extent, paul. i don't think you can simply say, "kids will be kids" and let them run around, throw things at people, and scream veggie tales lyrics at the top of their lungs. they should learn how to behave in public (in ANY setting, church or otherwise), and how to worship with reverence.
however, i think that just teaching them to sit still and be quiet does not do the job, because it doesn't teach them to actually engage in worship but to simply be quiet and not move a lot. i think there is a healthy balance, where the entire congregation (not just parents) welcomes children and helps them learn to worship God with the family of believers gathered.
finally, i'll point out that movies and the symphony are entertainment, spectator events in which we are not to participate but watch a presentation. God help us when church becomes a similar event. we're called to participate, not to sit through a presentation or program. simply put, the comparison is apples to oranges - it just doesn't work. our worship and a gathered community of saints is a different thing altogether, and our instructions for how the gathering should be led as well as participated in should come from scripture alone.
great conversation, everyone!
This really is a great conversation! I totally agree with Ryan that if young people "do not feel like they are part of the worship gathering they will not want to come as they get older and may eventually disband from the church all together." But what age people are we talking about? I come back to my first comment - there's an age when children can begin to be taught to worship, and there's an age before that where it just doesn't work. You can try all you want to teach a 14 month old how to read, but I don't think you're going to have much success. Same with teaching about worship.
And Bill, although I do think church and entertainment are not the same, there still are some similarities. At some point in most worship services there comes a time of proclamation of the Word (sermon, whatever ...) and that is probably the time when most young children have difficulty. When we are singing or doing other active types of worship, even some 2 year olds can participate. But very few 2 year olds can really listen to and participate in (understand?) a sermon. They usually find it hard to sit quietly through a sermon so that those who really want to focus, can do so. So, if it's important for children to sit quietly for a movie or a classical concert, isn't it even more important that they learn to sit quietly and LISTEN to God's Word? Once they've reached an age where that type of teaching can be done, they learn this by being with their parents in worship. Maybe the question we are really dealing with is ... what is that magic age?
I went to Crosspoint out in Katy recently and they have the children in worship together with their parents during the beginning (singing, etc.) but when it comes time for the "sermon" (I think they call it something else), the kids leave to go somewhere else ... I didn't go (I'm definitely too old to sneak in!)so I don't know exactly what happens at their gathering, but it's an interesting concept.
Anyway, I guess it all comes down to being courteous to each other. Parents need to be courteous to their fellow worshipers while teaching their children about worship, and others in worship need to be courteous to families as they work with their children.
I'm really enjoying this whole "blogging" thing!! Thanks to Amy Roch for getting me to actually do it ... and thanks to Jessica for having interesting points for discussion! Oh, and by the way, I worked many Easter breakfasts at St. Mark, as did my children, and I really REALLY disliked them!! My kids always ended up sleeping through one of the most important and meaningful worship services of the year!!! So ... bye bye to Easter breakfasts!! Bring on REAL servanthood projects!
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